It’s easy to write the story of my life and leave out all the horrible things that have happened, cause it makes for a nice story right? Wrong.
I leave out all the horrible drama because I’m over it, I’ve dealt with it, and I’ve moved on. There is no need to re-hash the past and bring up things that have been laid to rest.
There are, however, some parts of the story that I cannot leave out. They are too vital to the whole, and necessary to give you a full picture of me.
Infant loss is one of those stories.
I cannot, for emotional reasons, gush everything out here, but you are most welcome to go and watch a short YouTube video that our local church did on our story of infant loss and the subsequent restoration that happened. Click HERE for the link. (take tissues with you to the link).
My beautiful boy Asher Makaio was born on the 3 April 2013, my first baby, my warrior boy. Loved deeply and missed immeasurably.
Then we had Cal Dominic on 29 October 2014. After a miscarriage we had lost a lot of hope of becoming pregnant again, my doctor advised that we should “take a break” and only try again in 6 months time, 5 months later I was pregnant with Cal and our journey of pregnancy and overcoming huge fear of losing him began. Everything went smoothly and he was born two weeks early by c-section (for safety reasons) and he’s been blessing us with his detailed personality ever since! I was fortunate enough to breastfeed him for 16 months till having to stop cold turkey due to illness which was extremely unpleasant.
We didn’t want to have our kids too close together so we waited until Cal was almost two before starting to try again. We didn’t have to try too hard cause 6 weeks later I was pregnant with Shaw.
My pregnancy’s are plagued with every pregnancy issue you could imagine, carpel tunnel syndrome (with Asher), low blood pressure and low blood sugar (with all of them), joint pain, extreme morning sickness (thank you Jesus for Zofer) and after Asher, complications like panic attacks, anxiety and depression have played a big role too.
I was extremely thin when I fell pregnant with Shaw and carrying him wasn’t easy as he was an enormous baby. Also being pregnant with a toddler is challenging anyway, never mind having debilitating morning sickness and trying to work at the same time. I invested in 10 Zofer tablets (at R50 a pop you can only really have so many), and I would mark on my calendar the days I’d be needing it the most and save it for those days. I was a miserable mess the first trimester, worse than the other two pregnancies combined.
Shaw was born two days earlier than his scheduled c-section cause I went into labour the weekend before and had to rush to hospital for an emergency c-section on the Monday 27 February 2017. He had wet lung when he was born and had to go straight to N.I.C.U. from the theater.
I unfortunately couldn’t breastfeed Shaw for longer than 8 weeks due to me being so thin before the pregnancy, all my calcium and iron reserves had been used up during the pregnancy and the first weeks of breastfeeding, so I had to put my little man on formula and start supplementing my iron (to avoid another iron transfusion) and calcium.
These three little lives have shaped me more than anything else that has ever crossed my life, and I wouldn’t change any of it. They are my light and my life and I live to teach, nurture and encourage them to be the best versions of themselves that they can be.
Thanks for joining me on this four week journey of getting to know me, there’s so much more than these four posts but, I’m sure there’ll be more as the years go on. Read week one, two, and three here.