Get to know me / Life

Get to know me: Week 2

Here we are again, getting to know me week 2.  You can find week 1 here.
I promise not to bore you with endless details of irrelevant stuff.   You’ve had some fast facts to get to know me, and here are some nuggets I’ve learned along the way.

  1. You are not in control of other people’s choices.
  2.  Responding to a situation is better than reacting.
  3. Stay connected to people and family who encourage, uplift and challenge you to be a better person.

All of these lessons I learned the hard way, and it was definitely not a process I would like to repeat, but it has made me who I am today and I cannot deny that.
Peonies in blue vase kimvanveeblog

YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL OF OTHER PEOPLE’S CHOICES.

When my first husband decided he didn’t want to be married anymore, there was little I could do to change his mind.  It took months of debilitating panic attacks and literally hitting rock-bottom before I realised that other people’s choices are theirs.  Not mine.  I am not responsible for their choices, I am only responsible for MY choices and MY part in whatever has happened.  It’s MY responsibility to take ownership of MY role in it and deal with that.  People will make choices for themselves and that may leave you hurt and broken, but you must rise from it and walk tall.

RESPONDING TO A SITUATION IS BETTER THAN REACTING.

In my years of living a highly emotional life (INTJ), I am STILL learning that it is better to respond to a situation than react.  Reaction only creates more drama, more tension, more hurt.  Responding to a situation with thought and intelligence helps to difuse the panic,  lowers your heart rate and makes you feel more in control.
As a highly emotional creative, I’ve had to learn to take a step back and evaluate when life throws me a curve-ball.  Don’t just crumble under it, face it, evaluate it and tackle it head on.  I don’t always get this right, trust me, there are days I just want to stay inside and eat chocolate all day, but live moves on and we cannot hide forever, so wallow for half an hour but get back up, get back on the horse and tackle it with courage, prayer and help from a friend.

STAY CONNECTED TO PEOPLE WHO CHALLENGE YOU TO BE BETTER.

Through everything I’ve been through I have learned the value of being connected to people.  Good people, people who aren’t impressed by you, but people who tell you the truth in love.
I am very fortunate to have friends and family who won’t just leave me to make mistakes.  When they see me aiming in a direction that will harm me they step in and say something.  It’s not always easy to take it, but I’ve learned over the years to allow people to speak truth to me and to evaluate it with God in prayer and allow him to help me implement whatever changes I need to make to live my best life.
Sounds very esoteric, but the truth is, without connection we will shrivel up and die.  Everyone needs relationship of some kind. Friendship is the backbone of humanity, we are created to be a being in community, to have relationship and companionship and that means we need to be open to give and receive love, rebuke, correction and encouragement.  I know there are some super independents who will read this and think “stupid tree hugging hippy?!”, but the point is we will always need people, a tribe, a gang to relate to and feel at home with.
So those are my BIG lesson’s I’ve learned along the way, there are so many other lessons I’ve learned, but for the sake of keeping it short and sweet, those three are the major ones that have helped me steer my ship over the years and still help me to live life with kids and make good choices for my family and help me not loose my cool when my kids drive me up the wall 😉
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