Make mine a double.

When you’ve had what could easily be considered the worst day a mother could have, you’re tempted to want to drink things that come in doubles,  but wait, there is a different approach.
I was reminded of this different approach last week after our through-the-night croup/vomit/running out of baby clothes shoot-me-now night. (See friday fun post from last week).  
I had an appointment at the local baby clinic for my baby’s weekly weigh, the sister there is fully involved, even if you see someone else for the weighing, she will come out and greet everyone, ask how you’re doing with the new born, it’s a lovely place, and you feel so encouraged and appreciated when you leave.  I was telling her briefly of our night of challenges and to add my c section scar had an infection and I was being heavily medicated for that, which causes horrible side effects, and she looked me square in the eye and said: 
“Next time things are going like this one thing after the other, you and your hubby need to stop everything and pray!” She went on “ask God to show you what you can’t see in the situation so you can pray for healing or deliverance”.
I was astounded.
The simplest thing, in the trenches, I had forgotten.  I remember nodding and saying something stupid, but it had smacked me right between the eyes.  Needless to say the ride home was filled with introspection and tears as God opened my eyes to see where it all started.   
My heart was revealed to me, and it wasn’t pretty.  Please understand I’m definitely not writing this from a place of “dealt with it, I can testify!” Not even close, I’ve only just begun to heal and the conversation with God is still ongoing, it’s the start, her short sentence cracked open a six month wound and now we start the cleaning out.
Pride and arrogance have finally given way to meekness and humilty to allow God to work the soil of my heart, once again, because, I remember, that we never actually arrive, we are constantly being changed to more like Christ.
So make mine a double, a double dose of humility and openess, to get this ugly heart made pretty again.
Image: Asherlove Photography by Kim van Vuuren

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